Okay, so, now that I'm home and on drugs, here's the whole story in far more detail than you wanted...
I woke up this morning around 5:30 with incredible abdominal pain. After waiting about an hour, T and I headed to the UW Med Center emergency room, figuring we may as well just get there before the crowd. I couldn't even walk from the car to the ER; T had to push me in a wheelchair after I collapsed halfway. I've never felt that helpless and silly, but there was no denying it was necessary.
They hooked me to an IV and dosed me with a little morphine, then sent off lots of tests. I remember the doctor saying sometimes women refuse a pelvic exam because it's 'uncomfortable', and thinking, seriously, after all this pain, I'm up for some plain old discomfort at this point! After another hour, the pain got much, much worse (thank god we went in when we did) and they came back to give me twice the dose of morphine. They kept asking me to rate the pain on a scale of none to worst-pain-ever, which I hate. It's all subjective anyway, right? T sat very patiently by my side through all of it, missing her morning classes to watch me get poked and stuck, call my parents and keep them informed, and even hold the garbage can up for me. She wins the Best Girlfriend award every day, but
especially today.
They gave me a CT scan, which involved some complicated liquid gymnastics (iodine feels really weird going in). I actually got wheeled, in my bed, from my room to the CT room. In the room, there's this voice, when you go into the CT scan machine, that said "Breathe in, and hold" and then "Breathe". I don't know if it was the morphine or my usual need to fix everything, but I found it incredibly annoying that the voice didn't go into more detail about the subsequent breathing. Breathe out and hold? Breathe regularly? I'm strapped to a table and half of me is sticking through some space aged contraption that looks vaguely like the StarGate, can't you be more specific!??
After the CT scan I just lay around for a few hours in my own private room, more aware of the discomfort from the IV needle in my arm than the abdominal pain anymore - pain killers are weird. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink in case I needed surgery. Finally we gave up on ever hearing from anyone again, and T headed off to not miss her final class of the day. Just after she left someone came in to explain what was wrong... the CT scan found a kidney stone midway between my kidney and my bladder on the right side. It was moving, which is what caused all the pain.
We made it home around 3pm. I have meds - vicodin for the pain, and some type of prostate medication for the kidney stone (it actually says on it "NOT for use by women", but I'm assured that's just a formality...). I get to stay doped up at home tomorrow, no work for me, and no driving all week! Apparently I'm going to catch the thing in the special funnel they sent home with me, and I have a followup in a week to find out what's caused all this in the first place.
Amusingly, while I was waiting I was reading
The Kite Runner, near the end of which a character refers to having had a kidney stone as the most painful experience of his life. AWESOME. I've also heard it refered to as the male equivalent of giving birth. I am here to tell you, it absolutely does hurt like hell. I think I'll live, but I wasn't so sure around 9am this morning.
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